In a perfect world, every car would be Italian. Motorbikes would be completely safe. Bad, non-architecture would be banned, McMansions would burn to the ground. Houses in Australia would cost $500,000 at the absolute maximum. In a perfect world, every woman would be beautiful.
Beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder. We have it down to a science, the golden ratio, symmetry, etc. If there were more beautiful and slim women, then average drongos like myself would have a shot at pulling dames who actually outstrip a cardboard box in the aesthetics department. Because as it stands, I’d need millions, or fame, or model looks, or command of an elite hitman squad, or all four to have a look-in with the top 2% of dames. Hell, even doubling the number of dimes, from 2% of the female population to 4%, would be an amazing thing to be sure.
I’m not talking eugenics or anything evil like that. I’m just saying, if I had a magic wand, I would wave it over every “curvy/BBW” and “aethetically challenged” and downright plain girl in the world. And we’d all be better off. There would be less bitching and female competitiveness, the entire make-up industry would die, etc. In fact, this would be the only way men would actually choose a woman based on her personality. Because as it stands darling, personality doesn’t mean anything when you’re competing with a little cupcake in hot pants with a Colgate smile.
A photo, to show what I mean. This is perfect because this model chick is just casually chilling out in a carpark. Imagine if your local servo attendant suddenly metamorphosed into a lady of this calibre:
Maybe having beautiful women on every corner would devalue beauty. So be it. Maybe having Ferraris as affordable as a mediocre BMW is now would make all cars seem bland. So be it. Beats driving a large toaster that sounds like a vacuum cleaner AKA any cheap Asian car. Just think, men would no longer have to pretend to be interested in the plain-Jane friend. They actually WOULD be interested in the plain Jane. Of course there would be subtle variations in the level of hotness. But nobody would be as plain as Princess Mary, for instance. Even old women would look like Audrey Hepburn when she got old.
Oh, and I would also wave my wand on all the pathetic, weak, pasty and flabby males in the world. That way every dame would get her prince charming with a raging sixpack and a $30,000 Bentley. Because as it stands, we human beings are pretty damn ugly and woebegone. There are beer guts everywhere, people are eating shit on a stick (McNasty Family Rest-o-ramas) and fugly buildings. God damn, life is hard when you’re a perfectionist.
Oh and while I’m at it with the old magic wand, I’ll re-forest the entire continent, cure global warming and make every bit of rubbish, ever, disappear. But I’d start with the women.
When you’re living in this utopia and you pull a stunningly beautiful checkout-chick just by talking about Star Wars, you can just say, “Thankyou, Pacino!”
You’re fucking well welcome, mate.