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Music festivals are like nothing else on earth. If you have been to a dance music festival, or – at a stretch – a rock festival, you have really lived it up. Everyone is having a good time, and most importantly, the chicks are all wearing next-to-nothing. If you’re into blokes, that’s cool – about 1 in 2 men at an event like Stereosonic Festival are shirtless and shredded, Zyzz-style.

 I make the distinction between electronic music festivals (e.g. dance), and rock festivals because:

a)     Rock music is so passé.

b)    EDM is the future, and infinitely more complex than rock or pop

c)     All EDM fans are on drugs at festivals (except for myself, of course), which makes for some hilarious spectacles on the day (or days, you lucky Americans with your Ultra Music Festival over three days!)

d)    There’s more bass than you can shake a subwoofer at (can you even shake a subwoofer in its wooden case? I know I can’t, so you get the idea that the amount of bass at a festival is enough to vibrate your ribcage and induce heart attacks in the obese and frail.

An EDM festival is like an alternate reality. See my post ‘Utopia,’ written in October. Well, Stereosonic was a perfect world – that is to say, it was a parallel universe in which every woman is slim and attractive. That’s my kind of universe, yanahmean? Every time I turned to perve on some chick, ten more hot ones would walk past. There were simply too many chicks to perve on. I don’t know which I preferred on the day: the music or the people-watching opportunities.

Before you ask (wait, do I even have any followers and/or commenters?), the best act of the day was Calvin Harris. Commercial dance he plays, but boy does he play it well.

I thoroughly recommend you get your behind on a computer chair and book a ticket to Future Music Festival, coming up in March 2013. Future is by far the biggest EDM festival in Australia, with everything from House to Trap to Minimal Tech to alt rock (for all the pussies out there who are sure neither of their sexuality nor why they even came to an EDM festival). Oh yeah, I nearly forgot to end this post on a high note. Enjoy this photo of a typical festival crowd:

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 Peace in the Middle East,

Jimi.

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